Advice for the family and friends of someone who is sick and their role as caregivers.

Times of illness can strike unexpectedly and hit hard. Because of the physical and emotional effects of this, it’s important for us to have some stress management strategies in place when crisis does hit. Because the effects of stress can be contagious, taking care of someone shouldn’t be a burden for anyone person to carry alone.

FRIENDS

Knowing how to help a friend, however, can be tricky. Here are some strategies for offering support to family members and friends in need:

Here’s how:

Bring Food -
There’s a reason why bringing food is the classic "good neighbor gesture:" It’s appropriate for a wide range of relationships, from very close to mere acquaintance, and it really does help people feel better when they’re going through a crisis. Bring your own meal and drop it off, or help coordinate the food-bringing efforts of your group (so the whole neighborhood doesn’t all show up with food on the same night), and you’re doing a real service.

Lend a Hand -
When people experience crisis, they’re often overwhelmed. Just getting from one day to the next can be challenging and draining. Offering to lend whatever type of hand they might need can be a wonderful way of supporting your friend. Whether it’s taking out the trash for a neighbor, grocery shopping for a friend, or taking your mom’s dog to the vet, helping with the daily tasks that may prove to be too much for someone in crisis is an excellent way to help.

Get Them Out -
When faced with an illness or crisis, or when you’re a caregiver, it’s possible to become so consumed with the crisis that it’s difficult to get out and do things that would relieve stress, like exercising or seeing a movie. As a supportive friend, sometimes it helps just to take a loved one out and help then get away for a few hours. Taking someone to dinner, for a walk in the park, or to see an uplifting film can be a fun way to lend support.

Provide an Ear -
Sometimes you can’t find a solution or fix people’s problems. Sometimes all you can do is listen. Fortunately, that’s enough to make a big difference most of the time. (In fact, sometimes a good, supportive listener is far more comforting than the best advice-giver!) Lending a supportive ear or a shoulder to cry on can be more difficult than it sounds (which is part of why therapists are in demand), but it can be transformative to the friend who needs a good listener.

Point Them to Resources -
If you’re close enough with someone, and you see that they may need more support than you can provide, you may want to point them in the direction of other resources in addition to offering what help you can. Helping them find a therapist or support group, or other resources available in the community, can be beneficial for people who are too overwhelmed to look on their own, or need an outside perspective to recognize when they need additional help.

Family

If the stress of being a caregiver is wearing you down and you need caregiver support, you are not alone. It's easy to forget about your own needs when you are a caregiver. But doing that takes a toll on your health.

Here are some caregiver support tips to help you stay healthy and reduce your stress while you’re caring for someone else.

Here’s how:

Being a caregiver is a long-term commitment. For most people who take on the responsibility of providing care to someone with serious health issues, it’s not a short-term commitment.

Being a caregiver takes a toll. Being a caregiver takes a toll on you—physically and emotionally—and it can also create enormous financial pressures that add to your stress.

Accept your own limits. As a caregiver, you don’t have to do it all, and you shouldn’t try. Accept that there are limits to what you can do as a caregiver. Admit when you feel overwhelmed, and ask for help.

Create a caregiver support team. Before you can ask for help, you need to know who you can ask. Plan ahead for times when you'll need help by making a list of people who are willing to help you with caregiver support.

Family members, friends and professional respite care workers can give you a break or help out when you can't be there. Include their phone numbers on your list, along with the times they are available and the tasks they’re willing (or unwilling) to perform. Always keep a copy of the list with you; you never know when you may need to ask someone for help.

Get organized. Being a caregiver can be a full-time job, even if you already have a full-time job. Make a realistic schedule with your family and friends to make sure you get the caregiver support you need; assign chores, and make sure everyone knows what to do and when to do it. This will help everyone stay organized, and it will help you, as primary caregiver, to manage the extra demands on your time.

Schedule time for yourself. Don't forget to schedule time for activities you enjoy. There are more important things than doing the laundry, and caregiver support is one of them. Remember, this is about staying healthy in mind and body, so you need to make time to have fun now and then.

Make your own health your first priority. This may sound selfish, but it’s not. Being a caregiver is a big job, and the only way you can provide the caregiving your loved one needs is to make sure you stay healthy. The kind of stress you’re trying to manage every day can easily lead to depression; staying fit and healthy can help you cope, reduce stress, and make it easier to get through tough days when they come.

Eat a balanced diet. This is vital to good long-term health, and it shouldn’t be hard to manage. Chances are the person you’re caring for has been ordered to eat well, and you’re probably preparing and/or sharing many of those meals.

Get plenty of rest. Try to get the requisite eight hours every night. If you're short on sleep because your caregiver duties require you to be up and down during the night, take naps the following day when your loved one is sleeping.

Exercise regularly. Aim for 30-60 minutes of exercise four to six times a week; even a walk around the block will help clear your mind and keep you more fit. Regular exercise will give you more energy, reduce your stress, and elevate your mood. If you can work in some strength training twice a week, that will help keep your bones firm and your muscles strong, both essential if you have to help lift and support the person in your care.

Relax. Do relaxation exercises--such as deep breathing or meditating--to reduce caregiver stress. If possible, set aside a few minutes at the beginning and end of your day to practice these techniques. Consciously relaxing in this way will help you enter the day more calmly, and make it easier for you to sleep at night. You can also do deep breathing now and then throughout the day to help keep your stress under control.

Take a break. At least once or twice each week, stop being a caregiver for awhile and take some time for yourself. If you do, you'll be happier and better able to care for your loved one.

See your doctor. Get regular medical check-ups; you need them more than ever now, because you’re managing a lot of extra stress and emotional turmoil.

Deal Constructively with Negative Feelings. When feeling resentful, think about how to change things. Recognize the anger-guilt-anger cycle, and stop it immediately by forgiving yourself for being angry. Then distance yourself from the situation, figure out what caused the anger, and decide how you can respond more constructively the next time. Hold a family meeting to resolve conflicts with relatives. And recognize your accomplishments as a caregiver instead of dwelling on your shortcomings.

Being a caregiver for someone you love is one of the toughest jobs imaginable. It’s frustrating and terrifying, exhausting and overwhelming, but it can be one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever do — a supreme act of love.

But don't forget caregiver support: in order to provide the best care for your loved one, you have to take care of yourself.